Friday, June 21, 2013

DIY,,,New Butterick 5917..My Dress of Tears

When I checked the online site for new patterns at Butterick I was excited about 2 of the new patterns that they came out with for the Summer.  So excited about the newbies until I went right out and got both of them, but today is only going to be about just one of them B5917Here.  This was a brain teaser to put together, but it kind of flowed fairly easily once I got started.

I was right in the middle of making another project when I got a phone call that wasn't good.  For a few days I was hurt and in a daze.  My Dad's baby brother had died and I knew that I would be attending the ceremony, so my focus changed.  With my heart heavy and eyes filled with tears and memories, I began to assure myself that a wind of a different direction would be best for me. As I went through my pattern stash for both me and the girls, B5917 said pick me.  As I looked around for fabric, this nice silk weave linen jumped out and said pick me.  Even though I was not mentally there, some how everything just stood out and in place.

As I cut each piece of pattern and each piece of fabric, my task seemed so very hard, but I refused to let my weight gain stop me from being with my loved ones as they grieved.  Every step was a step closer to covering my new body.
 In the last 2 years I watched myself change sizes from an 8 to a 14, but I couldn't let my shape or my size stop me from attending his service.  I thought to myself "This isn't about me nor how much weight I've gained since they last saw me".   The whole time that I had these body image thoughts I would have little break down moments where my Dad would cross my mind and I could see little flashes of yesterday when my uncle and aunt would come down from Atlanta to visit.  My uncle had a big beautiful smile like my Dad.  The two of them could pass for twins if you had not know that my Dad had an almost 15 year lead on him.  I thought of how good it was to have my aunt, uncle, and their son stay with us.  It felt like a full house and lots of love.  I remember one trip they made to stay with us, they had a new member to the bunch and he was so cute and tiny.

Then the day came for me to look at what I  had made.  My final fitting before hemming and cutting away the basting stitches was at hand.  Looking in the mirror tears began to flow again.

 I knew that my impending journey would bring eminent waves of pain.  When all at once the lady in the mirror said, "OK. It's finished." I put away my sewing and began packing for the 5 hour trip.  I synchronized a timing and a place to meet up with my Mom.  Once I got there her warm embrace and never ending smile brought joy to my weary heart.  I could tell that this was going to be a hard hit for her, but she showed through to be a real trooper.

As the funeral began I sat next to one of my aunts.  It was evident through her sobs and tears that she was so torn.  I put my arms around her hoping to comfort her and in a small way I think it did because I was the daughter of her oldest brother.  The time came for the final farewells and for some reason, for me, this is the hardest part.  I thought back to my own goodbyes and realized that my cousin will be starting the release of his grief.  I've had almost 12 years of releasing grief and because I had such a wonderful Father, there is not a day without a thought of him.  I have learned to live through the grief and know that life is a process and a lonely road that we each one have to travel.  I just hope that as we sojourn on this road, we make a positive difference in the lives of the others that we meet.

And now, there is but one.  I pray that he is allowed health, strength, and prosperity beyond measure as he is all that our family has left of such honorable men.
My uncle drove all night from Miami to say goodbye to his little brother. He is a strong man and has always proven to be a wonderful person. I'm glad that this is my family. He is the last of 4 boys and 5 girls. All of my aunts still remain vital and as loving as ever. I wish them all the world.

Thank you for sharing this moment with me and I wish you Lots Of Love and Plenty Of Hugs...Dellia